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    Friday
    Jul032009

    Obama Sells Alaska

    In a surprise move, President Barack Obama announced today the sale of the Great State of Alaska to Russia for a record $1.5 trillion, eclipsing the Louisiana Purchase as America's biggest real estate transaction by $1,499,988,500,000. Not coincidentally, the transaction price equals the cost of the U.S. 2009 deficit combined with the projected cost of Obama's health care plan, returning America to the ranks of the economically viable nations of the world. "Sure, they have a lot of oil up there," Obama told reporters, "but my Curds and Whey Energy plan will make petroleum fuel obsolete by 2012. So what do we need with a giant ice cube like Alaska anyway? To use a basketball analogy, sometimes you just gotta know when to dish off, and I just dished off Alaska in a big way!" When asked if the sale of Alaska was politcally motivated, Obama replied, "You betcha!" A grim Alaskan ex-Governor-to-be Sarah Palin commented on the sale by saying, "I guess our neighbors from British Columbia will be able to see Russian from their porches now."After being told that the sale immediately annexed Alaska into the rebuilding Soviet Union, Palin said, "At least they don't have dirty old men like David Letterman in Moscow." The shocking transaction comes justdays after the nucular obliteration of Hawaii by North Korean wingnut Kim Jong-Il, the crater from which backfilled with water faster than Steve McGarrett could say, "Book em, Dano." In related news, sales of 48-star American flags on E-bay have jumped tenfold in the past three hours....

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