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    Leave the Poor Guy Alone!

    owen_wilson.jpgWord in the gossip news is that actor Owen Wilson, star of The Wedding Crashers, may have attempted suicide Sunday. Here's what he has to say about it through his publicist, Ira Taciokas: "I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time."

    Yeah, right, Owen. Wishful thinking. The truth is, all of those diry little gossip rags and "celebrity updates" we hear on the morning trash radio shows now smell your blood in the water, and they're not going to be satisfied until you break down and sob on Entertainment Tonight or you take a swan dive off the Chinese Theater into the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  You have no choice, you are a celebrity, and as such you will be hounded until the day you die, you are certifiably insane (a la Britney Spears), or you are locked away in rehab with an incurable addiction to drugs (a la Lindsay Lohan).  Just ask CelebTV.com, that chippy gang who interprets the Freedom of Information Act to mean that they can obtain the police log on your desparate call for help, then make a fortune by selling it to the syndicate sluts who will play it on the air for yuks next week between the 5-day Forecast and the next look at traffic.

    We haven't learned anything from the Princess Diana tragedy. Why would anyone want to be a celebrity these days? Oh, yeah. THE MONEY!


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