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    « Sucks to Get Old | Main | Another Bundle of Joy »
    Friday
    May252007

    Thunder Thighs

    (Sung to the tune of Lying Eyes, with apologies to The Eagles)
    Chubby girls just seem to find out early

    How to eat a Yodel in one bite

    A pastry chef, and she won’t have to worry

    She’ll spend her nights in double fudge delight.

    But late at night, the big ol’ fridge gets empty

    I guess thirty cubic feet does just so well

    And it breaks her heart to think that somewhere out there

    Are banana splits with gooey caramel.

    So she tells her chef she’s heading down to Penneys

    To buy some running shoes to jog around

    But he knows that she’s really off to Denny’s

    She’s heading for the eating side of town.

    You can’t hide your Thunder Thighs

    And your hollandaise is on my tie

    I thought by now your scale would die

    There ain’t no way to hide your Thunder Thighs.

    In an Olive Garden room, a plate is waiting

    With scaloppini sauce poured over veal.

    She runs into the restaurant, salivating

    Cuz it tastes so good it makes her want to squeal.

    She adds a side of teriyaki beefsteak

    A full carafe of California Blush

    She finishes with half a cherry cheesecake

    She drives away, she leaves them with the crust.

    You can’t hide your Thunder Thighs…

    And it doesn’t help to exercise

    When you always choose to super-size

    There ain’t no way to hide your Thunder Thighs

    She gets up and makes herself a pizza

    And stares down at the sausage in the cheese

    She polishes it off and then reheats a

    Plate of mussels marinara linguini.

    She wonders how she ever got this heavy

    Her cannonball can drain a swimming pool

    Her ass can wreck a ’67 Chevy

    She’s so damn fat she feels just like a fool

    But my oh my, you sure know how to sauté things

    You dice and julienne so carefully

    Ain’t it funny how your new diet didn’t change things

    You’re still the same ol’ hog you used to be.

    You can’t hide your Thunder Thighs

    Created by McApple pies

    Just keep your paws off my French fries

    There ain’t no way to hide your Thunder Thighs

    There ain’t no way to hide your Thunder Thighs

    Honey, you can’t hide your Thunder Thighs

    miss%20piggy.jpg

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