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    « Somebody Get Me a Lawyer! | Main | Streak Broken »
    Friday
    May182007

    Love is Blind

    Here's a special gem of a story that my old ISP, ATT.net, had linked to on its front page: "Men in Trees" actress Anne Heche is being heche_laffoond8a6T.jpgdivorced by her husband, Coleman Laffoon, and he is requesting a minimum $33,000 a month in alimony to raise their son, Homer. Here are some warning signs that shouldn've tipped her off that she was marrying a dork:

    1. His name is Coleman Laffoon. (Rhymes with "buffoon")
    2. He wanted to call his son "Homer". (No woman in her right mind would consent to that, not since The Simpsons aired on TV)
    3. He was a videographer making $6,000 a year.
    4. His past jobs include "nanny" and "summer camp counselor".
    5. He wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom to take care of Homer.

    Now in addition of breaking up the marriage due to irreconcilable differences (a no-brainer when you consider the list above), Coleman is accusing Anne of being a "bad mother" in an attempt to win joint custody of Homer and get all that ALIMONY MONEY! Here are some of her mothering sins:

    1. She REFUSED to enroll Homer in private kindergarten (!)
    2. She wanted Homer to MOVE to Vancouver where she works (remember, Coleman doesn't work...)
    3. She had the GALL to leave Homer in a trailer with other nannies or her assistant while she was working!!!
    4. She failed to provide a car seat for Homer (OK, we'll give Coleman a point for that one.)
    5. She actually made LUNCHES for Homer that HE DIDN"T LIKE!!! (I want MAC 'N CHEESE...NOW!!!)
    6. Here's the kicker...after one visit, she FORGOT to return Homer's FAVORITE SHOES and his BEDTIME STUFFED ANIMALS, which, to quote Coleman, "caused him EXTREME DISTRESS!!!"  D'OH!

    Sounds like an open and shut case to me! Now, you never know what is going to come out of the California court system, but if I were Judge Joey, ol' Coleman would be shooting Hillbilly wedding videos out of the back of his VW Bus faster than you could say "Fran Drescher". Next case!

     

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