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    « The Power of the Jinx | Main | Me and Sara Jane »
    Monday
    Jan222007

    It's Not Easy Being Me

    Psychotic.  Okay, I'm starting to feel like Sandra Bullock in The Net. A couple of weeks ago I applied for a part-time delivery job at Domino's Pizza (hey, I needed the money, and it beats selling my body on the street corner!) and this past weekend I met the area manager, Art, for an interview. Naturally, Dominos doesn't want crack addicts and homicidal maniacs driving around delivering their pizzas, so they require a license check as part of the hiring process. In light of the my speeding ticket Ireceived over the Christmas holidays, I won't be surprised if I'm deemed to be unqualified to deliver pizzas for Dominos despite having a masters degree in management from RPI. So today I get home from my real job (using the term loosely) and there's a message on my answering machine from Art, telling me that he received my motor vehicle report and that it says my license has been suspended since 1999! WTF? The cop never said anything about that while he was writing me a $192 ticket for driving 51 in a 25 zone (which is a crime unto itself). Looks like 2007 is picking up right where 2006 left off. Last year I became a victim of identity theft on three separate occasions, in which I sent flowers to ho's in Michigan and St. Louis, enrolled in a dating service and internet porn service in Baltimore, and racked up nearly $3,000 in camera and electronics at a Ritz Camera and Wal-Mart in Nashville. Now I have to call DMV tomorrow and find out whether or not I've truly been driving under suspension for the past 8 years!  I'm telling ya, I'm beginning to get nervous about simply turning on the TV--if my luck keeps up, I'm going to end up seeing my mugshot on America's Most Wanted!

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